May 31st – June 2nd
We have hit a good stride recently, John and I, with being able to fully enjoy our free time together – because our free time is free. We have made loose plans and let the rest depend on what needs and what wants to be done in those moments. It has been a lovely shift from the down-to-the-minute-to-get-it-all-done plan (even planning the “fun” moments – which kind of thieves all the fun away), and the over-commitment we are accustomed to (re: “Yes” to everything asked of us lest I feel guilty, or I fear of what people think of our answer.)
Lately there has been a flag waving over my heart and my life – We cannot be all things to all people. Only One can! That has been a freedom for me, a gentle song softening the tough way I measure myself. Perfection is not required of me. Dependence is, like a little kid.
I am learning the delicate dance of balancing a strong hand to protect, and an open hand to give away. Both are beautiful and needed it their time, and it’s been a growing point to listen with John. What is God saying? What is the Father telling us to do?
Saturday morning, John made us wheat pancakes topped with fruit (my request – Saturdays are the best days for breakfast!) We were sitting at the table with our PJs and our food, and I prayed. I took a moment to cover our friend Billy who sells his roasted coffee at the Saturday mid-town market. “Let him sell the most bags he has ever sold today.” Amen, and we ate, enjoying the quiet Saturday morning, the open sliding-glass door, and each other’s company.
One hour before the market closed, John and Billy had sold only 20-some bags of coffee – not really a banner day. They prayed. Billy asked for 5 more bags. John asked for 10, then bumped it down to 8.
The last hour, they sold 11 bags of coffee – and people were still buying even when the boys were breaking down the tent.
That is my Father. We ask for a little. Then we get bold and ask for a lot! And then we do not want to “push it” or be disappointed, and ask for something more modest, more reasonable.
He gives us more than we hoped for. He gives us more than our “most.”